Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There's always time for handjobs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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