1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Of course I have a pirate flag
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
