There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
