why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who died my cat blue again?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
