I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
