im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
