It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dignity is for republicans.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
