I accidentally had phone sex last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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