I think I am morally bankrupt
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
