Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
