Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
pop tarts are not kleenex
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
