She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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