I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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