I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
