Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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