I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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