with your own penis?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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