i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
