i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
