he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
