I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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