WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
