Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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