she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
