I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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