HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
