drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
