i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
