his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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