Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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