Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
