I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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