If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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