you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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