someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
