If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
