hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
