If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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