Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
