i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
