You're completely useless in the revolution.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
