Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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