Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
