Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
