it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
