someone threw a dead crab at me
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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