you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
