Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
