I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
