shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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