chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
