Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
