3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
