you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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