i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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