so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
